I

Oh no here I go
Waking up in a sweat
Breaking down my tears
As they fall down my face
Memories flashing before me
As if my life is replaying before my eyes
As they cry salty screams release from my lips
Shaking as if winter was back
Shaking like his hands were there
They were there

II

Who robbed you of innocence?
Your trembling knees forced open
By the one whom you trusted
Your body violently touched
By the wrong person
That even with a bed full of safety
You are afraid

III

I’m struggling to remember
Myself as a child
Running through sprinklers
Laughing and carefree
But every time I close my eyes
I am that same frightened fearful girl
Hiding under heavy covers
Praying, begging, wishing,
That he will spare me tonight

IV

As the curtains fall
So does my hope
Strangled as the sun set
The stars aligned to my misery
As he waltzed in
With a grace forged in the flames of hell
He set my mind ablaze with terror

V

Freedom
Freedom is liberation from oppressors
From the men that wronged you
The men who vandalized with their hands
The boys who were foolish enough to never ask for permission
From the people who left you broken
Or told you they did not believe
You must rise
Rise from those ashes of pain and trauma
Be born anew, and let that pain fuel your journey

VI

It is not your fault
Your clothes, tight to your skin
Your tone of voice, kind and unwavering
Or even your light flirting
None of it is to blame
None of that equals your consent
None of that is the problem

VII

Suffering in silence
Lying there under the blood lit moon
As he entered with no permisson
Don't move
Don't speak
Dont let out your screams
For no matter who has heard
It will always be a tale of fiction
You will be the girl who cried wolf

VIII

Your past lingers in your mind
Like a rope around your neck
That silenced your story
I know it is choking you
Suffocating your breath
But you must sing
Let your song be heard
Let the lyrics fill the ears of non-believers
Let your song free your mind
From that cage that he has locked you in

IX -Sexual content warning-

I don't know how I survived so long
After enduring years of his hands on my body
After surviving years of him thrusting himself inside of me
I don't know how I am alive
After he crushed this light inside of me
How will I ever re-ignite this flame of passion
For all things
For the simple pleasures in life
How
How an I break free from this mental grip his actions have on me

X

To the people
Who wake up tired emotionally
To the people
Who are restless during the night
Who are unable to sleep
Drained both physically and mentally
Smiling as wide as the horizon
In an effort to hold back a waterfall of tears
Know that you are a survivor
You did it, take a breath of relief
And know you are heard

XI

You know whats painful
That sleep isn’t restful anymore
Sleep is a cage, we cannot fall into it
We lay there
Wide awake
With flashbacks running through our minds on a loop
Drowning in an ocean of our own thoughts and fears
We are consumed by waves of terror

XII

Being broken is the beginning of your story
It's a process of rediscovering yourself
And what it means to feel whole again
Some of you believe that getting hurt is the end, you believe it is a damage that will always be painful
But the pain that you experience
May lead way to something
More beautiful or stronger than what you've had
Its okay to feel hurt
There's nothing wrong with feeling broken
The pain
Is never easy
But never be ashamed to feel
What it is your feeling
Because you are valid, and you are strong and you are a survivor.

XIII

This is dedicated to the fighters and the survivors
All the pain, all the sorrow in your heart
All the chaos and wars in your mind
I can feel your hurt
I know this is draining
But don’t let him break you
While you lie there
Hurting
Wide awake and unable to fall into peace
Know that he is undeserving
Of holding this space
In your mind

XIV

I wear my pain so well
I have scars left by touch
That no one can see
I am hurting
But I just smile
I let the aches of this broken heart
Tear through me until I am hollow
Ripping my mind to shreds
I laugh
To mask the cries I want to let go
I scream in silence
As I pretend to be happy
As these monsters ravage my mind

XV

Bound by blood
Ruined by his actions
My hatred grows
For sometimes family
Feels like the enemy
Sometimes family
Starts the war

XVI

Who were you?
Before your first love
Misplaced his hands upon your skin
Who were you?
Before your choice
Was ripped from your grasp
Who were you?
Within your innocence
Before they robbed you
Of your smile
You haven’t been yourself in a while
Who are you?
What makes you feel whole?

XVII

Sometimes
Nightmares occur
While we’re wide awake
And sometimes those nightmares
Come in the form
Of those we love, those we trust
Wolves in sheeps clothing
Hunt for scared souls

XVIII

The morning never comes
I am stuck in a constant tiring loop of darkness
The moon and stars
My only company
I’ve gotten scarily used to the silence
That surrounds me each night
I close my eyes, trying so terribly hard to forget
I remember everything I don't want to
I've been hurt more than I can bear
My knees are weak
From the weight of all the pain
My nights are turned into warzones
As his actions repeat in my head,
Just like bombs dropping from the sky

XIX

I too
Have felt the touch of a devil
As he danced above me
I too
Have felt that shiver of darkness
Glide down my skin
I too
Have been grasped
By a predators hand without permission
I too
Have stood where you stand

XX

Unwanted sexual attention
Harms the mind
Hurt the heart
And burns the soul
It leaves you unbearably broken
Like shards of glass are dancing in your heart
But don’t worry
You will find the right pieces
And you will be put back together

XXI

To the heart that feels broken
To the mind that feels tired
To the voice that struggles to speak
To the voice that cannot be heard
To the voice that the world has attempted to silence
Find your strength
Find the courage
Reclaim your voice
And say what you need to
Do not be silent
Be loud
Be unapologetic
Be free

#METOO